I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
