Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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