My nipple is on Facebook.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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