I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
