The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
