i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
