I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
