...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
