He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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