well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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