Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
