Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
