You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
