No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
