Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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