wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it's like iHOP with fire
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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