omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
