just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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