Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
