You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
