She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There's always time for handjobs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
