Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
