Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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