my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
