I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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