escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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