I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
