Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
