I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
