Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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