ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
