is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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