I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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