went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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