Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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