I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
