I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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