Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I didn't notice because vodka
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
