so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
