he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
