ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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