If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
