Can Purell be used as lube?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
