mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
