You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
