wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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