Sacagawea was the original milf.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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