Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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