if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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