hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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